How can you use the 5 love languages to create better engagement with the members of your team?

The concept of ‘Love Languages’ was developed by Gary Chapman and is outlined in detail in his book ‘The 5 Love Languages’.

The book is focused on developing long lasting love and stronger romantic relationships, but the love languages mentioned are useful in creating meaningful relationships at work as well.

What are the 5 Love Languages?

Words of Affirmation – This language uses words to affirm other people. They feel valued when they hear how much the work that they do matters and is appreciated.

Quality Time  – This language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention. Sitting with someone and just listening to them and giving them space to share with you is how they feel valued and appreciated.

Receiving Gifts – For some people, receiving a heartfelt gift is what makes them feel most loved and valued.

Acts of Service – For these people, actions speak louder than words. When you go out of your way to do something kind or special for these people, that is when they feel that the work they do is appreciated and valued.

Physical Touch – To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate physical touch. This can be a gentle hand on the shoulder or tap on the upper arm. But there needs to be care and consideration when using this Love Language to ensure that no boundaries are being breached.

How do they create stronger relationships?

When people feel that their love language is being met, they have a connection with their subconscious need for being enough. It is in feeling enough that people strive to serve and perform at their highest level.

This is not just in the work that they perform on the job but also in the relationships that they form in the workplace. When a persons love languages are being met, they form a stronger bond and as a leader we all know that strong bonds with the members within our team creates better retention, greater loyalty, and increased performance.

The love languages are also a great tool to use when considering the reward and recognition strategies within your company. Many companies just think about what gifts or perks that they can give to their employees which definitely engages those who are driven by receiving gifts. But by coming up with strategies that encompass all of the 5 love languages, companies are better able to create a connection with all of the different personality types rather than just a select group.

There is some caution to be had though when enacting love languages in the workplace. By trying to connect with someone through the wrong love language, leaders risk creating barriers to establishing effective relationships. For example – if someone is empowered through the acts of service love language but has serious boundaries around physical touch, then reaching out to these people physically can breach boundaries and may trigger distrust or feelings of being uncomfortable around you.

How do you know which love language to use with others?

People tend to showcase their love language in the ways that they connect with others in the workplace. Without thinking, we tend to reach out to others using the love language that serves us best. So, if you have a member of your team that is always giving meaningful presents to others then their love language is receiving gifts. The team member who is always complimenting others feels enough through the Words of Affirmation love language.

Why should you bring the insight of love languages into your workplace?

When we serve others from our love language it can create a disconnect and we are at risk of not connecting with all of the individual personalities within our team. Yet, when we can learn what makes other people feel valued and enough, we can meet them in this space which creates a bond between them and the company.

Employees who feel bonded to the leader of there team or company their work for often tend to go above and beyond to get the job done, have higher productivity rates, have increased work satisfaction and are less likely to start looking for a job elsewhere.

In an environment where we are talking about the effects of the Great Resignation, this should be an essential part of any leader’s toolkit.

If you would like to learn more about The 5 Love Languages you can do so by visiting Discover Your Love Language – The 5 Love Languages®

If you would like to speak about how our team can assist you in implementing these concepts into your workplace then feel free to email ( or schedule a 30 minute discovery call by clicking this link

Picture of Niomi Hurley
Niomi Hurley

Niomi specialises in behavioural and social elements of positive psychology. She has developed a unique approach that merges the practices behind traditional psychological theories with energy science to help people increase passion, focus, and accountability.

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